Opinion Today: Can we decide if we’ve lived long enough?

A documentary asks difficult questions about suicide and older adults.

View in browser|nytimes.com August 28, 2024 By Adam B. Ellick Executive Director, Opinion Video In 2021, Spain became the fourth nation in the European Union to legalize assisted suicide for people with incurable or debilitating diseases. The next year, Carmen Gil del Pino, a feisty 86-year-old former nun, became determined to end her life even though she didn't qualify under the law. While not terminally ill, she was suffering from ailments in her knee, spine and hip. Her conviction that she had lived long enough forces us to ask an uncomfortable question: Should older adults have the right to end their lives simply because they feel ready? Her answer to this question was documented in a feature-length film, "Lord Take Me Soon," by the talented Spanish director Guillermo Florez, who followed Carmen while making an observational-style film, collecting moments of humor and gravity in the six months before she prepared to take her own life. Our Op-Docs editors were struck by Carmen's story, but Florez's feature-length film also presented a difficult editorial challenge: We worried it could be seen as a glorification of suicide. But this film was clearly special, and on a topic that deserved a sensitive and nuanced discussion. So we asked if Florez would be willing to edit a short version of his feature that is less observational and also includes his own voice and uneasy reflections on the project and his unique level of access to Carmen's private world. In the film, he documents her preparations. She burns her old photos. She gives away kitchen cabinets to a neighbor. When she informs a friend of her plans, he listens in unsettling silence. At the same time, as the film goes on, Guillermo and Carmen transcend the roles of director and subject and become friends. She challenges him to rethink his own views about death. "I eventually came to the realization that I was making this film because I'm afraid of death and she was not," he told us. In some ways, this is a story many of us are already familiar with. My grandfather, in his 90s, often told me he didn't want to continue living. He once looked me in the eye and told me that my weekend visits were wonderful but didn't outweigh the pain he suffered all week. He also felt guilty about the burden he put on his own family. With no legal options, he finally chose to undergo an elective surgery because a surgeon cautioned it was quite risky. The surgery was successful, and my grandfather woke up furious. When he got a serious infection a few weeks later he pumped his fist, and died soon after. If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. Go here for resources outside the United States. 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