The Morning: Why we can’t stop rushing

Happiness is to be found in taking our time.

View in browser|nytimes.com Continue reading the main story March 2, 2024 By Melissa Kirsch Good morning. We know that happiness is to be found in taking our time and being present. How can we slow down and stop rushing our way through life? María Jesús Contreras Hurry up and wait Racing to catch a subway train recently, I tripped on the stairs leading to the platform, steadying myself only barely by grabbing the arm of an unsuspecting and rightfully alarmed fellow passenger. I sustained no major damage — a scraped knee, a bruise on my thigh I'd discover a week later. These injuries were, I told myself in the aftermath, well deserved. I'd disregarded one of my precepts for personal happiness, the one that stipulates, "Most misery is caused by rushing." My fall was the most basic evidence of this, a frying-pan-over-the-head reminder that running late and reckless from one place to the next puts one at risk of a spill. But there was also all the incidental unhappiness I'd incurred and inflicted in the lead-up: I'd been rushing to get out of the house, which put me in a foul mood. I'd been impatient with everyone I encountered on the way to the subway, adding some measure of unpleasantness to their mornings. We rush because we're late. We also rush because we want to move quickly away from discomfort. We rush to come up with solutions to problems that would benefit from more sustained consideration. We rush into obligations or decisions or relationships because we want things settled. Worrying is a kind of rushing: It's uncomfortable to sit in a state of uncertainty, so we fast-forward the tape, accelerating our lives past the present moment into fearsome imagined scenarios. A friend and I remind each other regularly of a radio news segment she heard years ago. The reporter concluded the story, about a mess of delays on the Long Island Rail Road, with the line, "These commuters are ready for this day to be over, once and for all." Of course the message was the commuters wanted to get home and have dinner and go to bed already. But the finality of "once and for all" made it sound as though the commuters were so fed up that they wanted to end that day and all days. Or, as my friend wrote: "Certainly at one point the day will definitely be over once and for all for each of us. Is that what we're rushing toward?" This obsession with being done with things, of living life like an endless to-do list, is ridiculous. I find myself sometimes having a lovely time, out to dinner with friends, say, and I'll notice an insistent hankering for the dinner to be over. Why? So I can get to the next thing, who cares what the next thing is, just keep going. Keep rushing, even through the good parts. In Marie Howe's poem "Hurry," she describes running errands with a child in tow. "Hurry up honey, I say, hurry," she urges, as the little one scampers to keep up. Then she wonders: "Where do I want her to hurry to? To her grave? / To mine? Where one day she might stand all grown?" This is not novel advice, to stop and smell the roses, to be here now, to slow down. But it's not easily heeded. Our culture, now as ever, rewards hustle. The Silicon Valley maxim "Done is better than perfect" can be constructive when applied to procrastination. But we bring it to bear on situations in which "done" is not necessarily a desirable goal. Since my subway incident, I've been trying to notice when I'm rushing, physically and psychologically. "Where are you going?" I ask myself. "And why are you in such a hurry?" That pause helps put a little space between here and there, and might, with any luck, avert future misery. For more "It's not as if any of us wants to live like this, any more than any one person wants to be part of a traffic jam or stadium trampling or the hierarchy of cruelty in high school — it's something we collectively force one another to do." From 2012, Tim Kreider on the trap of busy-ness. The art of slowing down in a museum. One way to slow down: observe without documenting. "There is so much to be done, and yet the temptation is to just sit in the sun and listen to the hickory nuts falling." Nature makes a good argument for ceasing our rushing. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT THE WEEK IN CULTURE Film and TV The comedian Richard Lewis in 2014. Michael Schwartz/WireImage Richard Lewis died this week at 76. He delivered jokes with rollicking energy, giving his Jewish neurotic persona a nervy cool, The Times's Jason Zinoman writes. 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It will remind players that before "Star Wars" became a corporate empire, it was a rich source of gaming creativity, Calum Marsh writes. Goo Hara was one of South Korea's most popular musical artists. Her suicide, one of several among young Korean stars in recent years, has exposed a darker side to the country's entertainment industry. THE LATEST NEWS Outside Al-Shifa Hospital in Gaza City on Thursday. Agence France-Presse — Getty Images The U.S. will airdrop humanitarian aid into Gaza, President Biden said. He lamented the "tragic and alarming" deaths of scores of Palestinians near a convoy of aid trucks this week. Thousands of Russians attended the funeral service of the dissident Aleksei Navalny, with some chanting "no to war" and "peace for Ukraine," in a major display of dissent. A Colorado paramedic convicted in the 2019 death of Elijah McClain, a young Black man, received a five-year prison sentence. 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CULTURE CALENDAR By Alexis Soloski 📺 "The Regime" (Sunday): "Mildred Pierce" and "Mare of Easttown" crowned Kate Winslet the queen of HBO mini-series. Now she can add another title: despot. In this absurdist show from Will Tracy, a "Succession" writer, Winslet stars as the ruler of a Central European principality, a bleach-blond autocrat in an endless parade of bodycon dresses. 📚 "The Hunter" (Tuesday): Thriller obsessives like me might pine for another entry in Tana French's "Dublin Murder Squad" series (the last one, "The Trespasser," was published in 2016). But French, a consummate suspense writer, has traded the city for the countryside: Her new book, a companion to her 2020 novel "The Searcher," returns to the village where a former Chicago detective is pursuing an eventful retirement. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT RECIPE OF THE WEEK Christopher Simpson for The New York Times. Food Stylist: Barrett Washburne. By Melissa Clark Slow Cooker Honey-Soy Braised Pork With Lime and Ginger The end of February doesn't necessarily signal the end of blustery cold nights, and in much of the country, March is still prime time for simmering cozy winter stews. Sarah DiGregorio's honey-soy braised pork with lime and ginger is made in a slow cooker, which means you'll be able to savor its meaty perfume all day long as it gently bubbles away. The meat emerges fall-apart tender, with a rich, caramelized sauce zipped up with lime and freshly grated ginger. Serve it over rice or noodles or in lettuce cups for a satisfying, warming weekend meal — and then be grateful for the leftovers. They'll make for a deluxe and instant midweek dinner to fight the chill. REAL ESTATE Connor Krone with Harry near his new apartment in the city. Andrea Mohin/The New York Times The Hunt: He tested his $450,000 budget all over New York. Would it be Williamsburg, Hell's Kitchen or the South Bronx? Play our game. What you get for $2 million: A Beaux-Arts mansion in St. Louis, a Spanish-style home in Pasadena and a stone house in Washington. Where to start: Irondequoit, N.Y., a suburb of Rochester, topped a study of the best places in the U.S. for younger buyers. LIVING Cole Brauer Samuel Hodges Solo sailing: As Cole Brauer speeds to the finish of a solo race around the world, she is using Instagram to blow up sailing's elitist image. Prenuptial party: A three-day pre-wedding ceremony for the son of one of India's richest men raises the bar for extravagant festivity. (Rihanna was in attendance.) All she wrote: A German manufacturer rereleased a much-celebrated limited-edition ink. The fanfare soon turned into drama in the fountain pen community. ADVICE FROM WIRECUTTER Start your spring cleaning Spring cleaning looks great on paper: a chance to delve into the messiest corners of your life and emerge with a completely fresh space, just in time for sunnier skies. But in practice, it can be overwhelming. Our advice? Start by decluttering. Take inventory of your things and cull the excess now, so that you're streamlining the actual cleaning come spring. Wirecutter's experts have recommendations for closet-organizing gear, a storage system for your car, and more. Or join our Decluttering Challenge for six days of tips to help you tidy your busiest spaces. — Brittney Ho GAME OF THE WEEK Max Verstappen at a race in Japan last year. Chang W. Lee/The New York Times Bahrain Grand Prix: The Formula 1 season begins this morning. The Athletic's experts expect Max Verstappen to dominate the field again this year. Even if he does, though, there are plenty of story lines to follow, including a potential breakout year for the sport's only American racer, Logan Sargeant, and a new team for the fan favorite Daniel Ricciardo. And if you're new to the sport — perhaps drawn in by an addictive documentary series — Madeline Coleman's series "Between the Racing Lines" is helpful for understanding race day, including why D.R.S. is so controversial and how drivers get in physical shape to compete. Today at 10 a.m. Eastern on ESPN. More on sports LeBron James is already the leading scorer in N.B.A. history. Tonight he has a shot to become the first player to reach 40,000 career points. Ahead of the N.H.L. trade deadline next week, The Athletic highlighted one change each team could make. Scott Van Pelt's late-night "SportsCenter" is a safe harbor from the endless manufactured outrage of modern sports media, Jonathan Mahler writes in The Times Magazine. NOW TIME TO PLAY Here is today's Spelling Bee. Yesterday's pangrams were ineffable and infallible. Take the news quiz to see how well you followed this week's headlines. And here are today's Mini Crossword, Wordle, Sudoku and Connections. Thanks for spending part of your weekend with The Times. — Melissa Sign up here to get this newsletter in your inbox. Reach our team at themorning@nytimes.com. Continue reading the main story Editor: David Leonhardt Deputy Editor: Adam B. Kushner News Editor: Tom Wright-Piersanti Associate Editor: Lauren Jackson News Staff: Desiree Ibekwe, Sean Kawasaki-Culligan, Brent Lewis, German Lopez, Ian Prasad Philbrick, Ashley Wu News Assistant: Lyna Bentahar Saturday Writer: Melissa Kirsch Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for the Morning newsletter from The New York Times, or as part of your New York Times account. To stop receiving The Morning, unsubscribe. To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, including those regarding The Athletic, manage your email settings. To opt out of updates and offers sent from The Athletic, submit a request. 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