Love Letter: From worst to best date ever

Plus: Love on top (of a mountain).

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By Charanna Alexander

While dating sites and apps can be convenient ways to meet a special someone, many singles find that the road to love is often laden with potholes and pitfalls. In this week’s Modern Love essay, Bonnie Altuchers recalls a lukewarm date with a man she spotted on Bumble, whom she was determined not to revisit after their underwhelming first encounter.

But, when he asked for a second date, Ms. Altuchers agreed, in hopes that their chemistry would improve. What she didn’t know was that this second date was also a reunion with her worst date from 24 years earlier.

A DISASTER DATE DO-OVER “I found myself somewhat reluctantly agreeing to a second date.” Brian Rea   Modern Love How My Worst Date Ever Became My Best Agreeing to see him again would require a minor miracle. A minor miracle is exactly what happened. By Bonnie Altucher

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For Hailey Moore and Kristopher Hansen, nothing says “till death do us part” like exchanging vows 2,000 feet above the Colorado River in Moab, Utah. The couple, who met in 2019 at a Java Hutt Cafe in Roanoke, Va., said their adventurous elopement was in keeping with their relationship, which has always had a “spontaneous, over-the-top and intimate” vibe to it.

And, if you’re still thinking about what to do for Valentine’s Day (that’s today!), may we suggest binge watching your favorite episodes of the Modern Love TV series? Or taking a deep dive into love stories from coast to coast (and everywhere in between), or an effervescent celebration of friendship? Whatever you decide, don’t forget to show yourself some love.

Happy love day!

MODERN LOVE In this week’s Modern Love podcast, the actress Susan Kelechi Watson reads Deborah Copaken’s essay “When Cupid Is a Prying Journalist.” Brian Rea   Modern Love Podcast: Susan Kelechi Watson Reads ‘When Cupid Is a Prying Journalist’ The “This Is Us” actress reads an essay about a lost love. The dramatic essay inspired an episode in the Modern Love TV series. Brian Rea   Modern Love Tiny Love Stories: ‘We Entered the Stormy Landscape of Polyamory’ Modern Love in miniature, featuring reader-submitted stories of no more than 100 words.

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LOVE AND MARRIAGE Head over hills (and valleys) in love. Barton Glasser for The New York Times   VOWS An Unexpected Path Leads to a Fresh Start An elopement in Moab, Utah provided a wedding site as big as all outdoors for Hailey Moore and Kristopher Hansen. By Lois Smith Brady Cassandra Giraldo   A Connection Before the Coffee Was Cold Rolake Bamgbose and Justice Whitaker, both filmmakers, met through a dating app. Their first date was at a coffee shop. By Vincent M. Mallozzi

TAKE OUR WORD FOR IT “The closer we feel toward someone, the less likely we are to listen carefully to them.” María Medem   You’re Not Listening. Here’s Why. There’s an unconscious tendency to tune out people you feel close to because you think you already know what they are going to say. By Kate Murphy Bráulio Amado and Jordy van den Nieuwendijk   How to Make Your Marriage Gayer Same-sex spouses feel more satisfied with their partners than heterosexual ones. What’s the secret? By Stephanie Coontz

LOVE IN THE NEWS And, why gathering with your girlfriends is the best new holiday. Amy Lombard for The New York Times   Galentine’s Day Is Everywhere. Here’s Why. It’s been 10 years since “Parks and Recreation” introduced the Valentine’s Day alternative. Now companies and venues are cashing in on this unofficial holiday. By Nancy Coleman Emilia Andrzejewska   FIRST PERSON The Wedding That Wasn’t Sad The author’s father died six weeks before her wedding, and because he wanted no memorial service, she wondered: “How could we honor my dad without turning our wedding into a funeral?” By Kim Liao Brittainy Newman/The New York Times   Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like Secondhand Roses The sharing economy has come for the flower industry. By Alyson Krueger Shosh Shlam and Hilla Medalia   Where Being a Single Woman Is Not OK Dating is hard. A government campaign to get you married is worse. By Shosh Shlam and Hilla Medalia Tucker Nichols   Essay He Courted Me Through My Favorite Novel Is romance the most scripted human experience there is? By Emily Eakin Elizabeth Weinberg for The New York Times   ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ … and to Fans Hungry for More Lana Condor, Noah Centineo and the team behind Netflix’s breakout rom-com have franchise aspirations. Can they capture the magic again? By Ilana Kaplan Ross MacDonald   50 States, 50 Love Stories From sea to shining sea, here’s a tour of unforgettable fiction that explores matters of the heart. By Tina Jordan, Elisabeth Egan and Ross MacDonald via The National WWII Museum   Love Letters From World War II Reveal Promises Made and Broken A museum in New Orleans dedicated to World War II has a vast collection of letters from soldiers, sailors and the women who loved them. By Maria Cramer

Need Advice? Send Us Your Love and Relationship Questions

Email your relationship questions to our inbox and we will answer a reader’s love-related question each week, right here in the Love Letter newsletter. Spoiler alert: We are not licensed professionals, but we understand that love is complicated and we’re here to help provide support, thoughtful advice and resources. Please be sure to include your name, city (town) and state, along with your question.

We want to hear from you.

We want to deliver content that truly matters to you and your feedback is helpful. Email your thoughts to loveletter@nytimes.com.

Also, here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay or how to be featured in an Unhitched column. Don’t feel like writing more than a tweet, an Instagram caption or a Facebook post? Consider submitting to Tiny Love Stories, which are no more than 100 words. Getting married? Here’s how to submit a wedding announcement.

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