Opinion Today: I don’t want kids, but I love having them in my life

There is a pernicious belief that the only way to be invested in a child's life is to be a parent.

View in browser|nytimes.com September 7, 2024 Many people who say they don't want to birth or parent children do have children in their lives — other people's. We rarely account for that, nor do we give full weight to the fulfillment these relationships provide. Peter Sutherland By Glynnis MacNicol Ms. MacNicol is a writer, a podcast host and the author of the memoir "I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself." When describing the defining factor of elections, James Carville said, "It's the economy, stupid." But between soccer moms, "family values," reproductive rights, and who is raising children and how, parenting has been central to every presidential campaign in recent memory. This election year has introduced a new character into the pageant: the woman without children. Normally shuffled off to the side as lonely, selfish, bumbling, often bitter figures, too sad to deserve the spotlight or narrative arcs of our own, we are finally getting main-character treatment. Buckle up, baby. Like the cats we are purported to prefer, women without kids have long fueled discussion in certain corners of the internet. Few things beyond cat memes set a comments section aflame like a person suggesting she is enjoying life without children. Or, conversely, that the only way to experience meaning is to have kids. The result, no doubt, of everyone, parents and nonparents alike, feeling unseen and/or unsupported in various ways. Some of this recent panic over choosing not to have children can also be attributed to declining birthrates, a nearly worldwide trend, even in countries with strong social nets. In this country, though, as I wrote for Times Opinion in May, it's difficult not to attribute at least some of this panic to the fact that women are increasingly able to determine the trajectory of their lives, outside of structures that have long benefited men. As I write in a guest essay this week, the continuing belief that not having kids means you are not invested in them, or do not take immense joy in having them in your life, is a narrow view so far from my own experience and from the experiences of many people I know as to be almost comical. If only the results of ignoring this reality weren't so serious. That there are so many ways to love and be loved feels like something to celebrate, for everyone involved. READ THE FULL ESSAY HERE Guest Essay The Joy of Other People's Children You don't have to have kids to have kids in your life. By Glynnis MacNicol THE WEEK IN BIG IDEAS Gabriel Alcala Guest Essay There's Hurricane Katrina and Superstorm Sandy. Why Not Heat Wave Harvey? Heat waves are America's deadliest weather events. It's time we name them. By Eric Klinenberg The Ezra Klein Show On Children, Meaning, Media and Psychedelics The writer Jia Tolentino on parenting — and living a good life — in the age of smartphones. 1 HR 11 MIN LISTEN The Opinions These Chemicals Are Hurting Us. Why Aren't We Regulating Them? Erin Brockovich is sounding the alarm on forever chemicals. 7 MIN LISTEN Thalassa Raasch Michelle Goldberg Tucker Carlson Welcomes a Hitler Apologist to His Show Nazi sympathy is the natural endpoint of the politics of trolling. By Michelle Goldberg We hope you've enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. Subscribe to The New York Times. Games Here are today's Mini Crossword, Wordle and Spelling Bee. If you're in the mood to play more, find all our games here. Forward this newsletter to friends to share ideas and perspectives that will help inform their lives. They can sign up here. Do you have feedback? Email us at opiniontoday@nytimes.com. If you have questions about your Times account, delivery problems or other issues, visit our Help Page or contact The Times. Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for the Opinion Today newsletter from The New York Times. To stop receiving Opinion Today, unsubscribe. To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, including those regarding The Athletic, manage your email settings. To opt out of updates and offers sent from The Athletic, submit a request. Subscribe to The TimesGet The New York Times app Connect with us on: Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018