When dementia develops, caregivers often resist the changes. Anne Basting says there's another way.
"You have to remind yourself that you know who you are and you are the person who can reaffirm and comfort the person who had reaffirmed and comforted you for so long." |
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In hindsight, there is always a moment that sticks out as the sign that someone is forgetting who she or he is. For my husband's mother, always an avid reader, it was when she couldn't seem to concentrate enough to finish a newspaper article, much less a book. |
As anyone who has experienced a loved one with dementia will tell you, the change is at first disorienting and then terrifying. |
One in three older Americans are dying with dementia. And even though it is common, many of those struggling with it, are hidden away, in part because we don't know how to cope with a person we once knew so well becoming someone else. As my husband's mother slipped deeper into memory loss, he said it felt like she had died already because the person he had known, and who had known him, was gone. That initially led him to withdraw from her, which is an understandable reaction to a distressing situation but it often leaves people with dementia even more isolated. |
There is another way. Anne Basting has been thinking about how to reach people with dementia for 30 years, since she was a young artist volunteering in a locked Alzheimer's ward. Her work — which won her a MacArthur Fellowship, also known commonly as a "genius grant" — centers on connecting with people suffering from memory loss through creativity and meeting them where they are instead of trying to tie them to your reality. |
"It's asking a person to live in loss and creativity, simultaneously," Anne told me on this week's episode of Times Opinion's "First Person" podcast. But the rewards are great. "If you do both, you're going to connect with the person that you thought was lost to you. You just have to let go and be willing to move into the moment and where the person is right now." |
Anne, whose own mother has dementia, explains how she does that and shares recordings of how it works in practice. I found our conversation surprisingly uplifting and full of hope. We can reach people with dementia and have a meaningful connection without leaving them to suffer by themselves on their journey. |
What Our Listeners Are Saying |
While caring for our mom with vascular dementia, my sister and I realized that the end of life journey is still life. Dementia is a tough road yet the brutality was tempered with beauty. I won't be thrilled if dementia also comes for me, but I hope those who care for me accept my reality and treat me as a life instead of a death that hasn't happened yet. — Kitty Norton, Oregon I am 74 and recently had some memory lapses that I fear are forerunners of dementia. (Sobering.) This episode of 'First Person' strikes me as a much-needed learning experience for anyone who will come in contact with dementia, or everyone on this planet. This would be immensely helpful for caregivers. Thank you to Ms. Garcia-Navarro for this 'First Person' episode. It was eye-opening, and it offered hope for the future. — Ken Murray I've been sort of self-conscious around my grandfather the last few years, missing the conversations we used to have. The timing of this episode could not have been better; my dad and I are going to play some fiddle music for my grandfather and his neighbors in memory care housing tomorrow. The awkward nerves have faded. I'm so looking forward to seeing and talking with him. — Hadriane Hatfield |
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